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[He waits. And he waits. And he gets more and more afraid.]

[And then they answer. Papyrus's special attack? What does that have to do with anything?]

[He thinks he has an idea of what's happening, and that means--that means they need someone. They need someone there. Chara would be better suited, or Toriel, or Shepard, or just about anyone, but right now--]

[Well right now maybe he's all they've got. And if nothing matters, if everything you do just makes things worse, then--maybe you do the thing that makes things a little less worse than the others.]

frisk i'm coming over.

okay?

i'm coming over.

[And true to his word--not a very common thing, really--less than a minute later there's a knock at their door.]

[No answer.

It's not a very easy thing, right now. The bathroom tile is cold, and their breath stinks of bile, and who would want to see them, looking like this? Hair a mess, sticking to their cheeks and their forehead, and if he's coming, then they - they'll have to make things a little better. It takes a wobbling lurch of motion, but they depress the handle that flushes the remnants of their dinner away in a wet gurgle, tottering to their feet, trying to iron away the glaze to their eyes, the glassy trail sloping down one cheek, with the butt of one palm grinding into their eyesocket.

It's not nearly enough time. There's a knock at the door, and their legs still feel jellylike, knees trembling like they might fold over at any moment.

Trip-stumble for the door, and the knob might as well be a foreign contraption for how much coordination it takes to twist and open, but eventually it does.]

[He waits. Tries to grab hold of that patience of his, use it to calm himself down. He doesn't fidget, because he's not a fidgeter, not at this age. Every so often, though, he wishes he was.]

[Eventually they open the door.]

[This isn't the first time he's seen them like this. There's a faint, acrid smell in the air.]

[He stares at them, looking them over for any injuries or any further signs of distress. They look exhausted, they look drained, they look a thousand miles away, but they're not bleeding at least. At least.]

[Then he meets their eyes, or tries to.]

papyrus has a special attack.

[That's stupid. That's completely inane. Why is that the first thing that comes to mind? Yes, he has a special attack, he's always had a--]

[He always has, right? Of course.]

never seen it, though. that pup stole it more often than not. plus he wanted it to be a secret. wanted it to be a surprise for when he finally met a human. at least--that's my version.

[He searches their face for a moment.]

are you...?

[Don't ask questions you already know the answer to, Sans.]

i'm...sorry, kiddo. did i set you off?

[Papyrus has a special attack.

He starts things off from where they fragmented. Probably...for the best, right? Smart to do that. Picking this up where they left off. Talking about what needs to be talked about. The special attack, meant to be a surprise, a secret, a last resort, maybe. If the Glove dropped, abandoned in the snow, and they staggered forward into his arms with the metallic taste of dust flecking their lips, and he said that if he'd used his special attack - ]

He said it - it would've blown me away.

[Everything else falls to the wayside. Not important. Not as important as this, as understanding this.]

He didn't always say that. Did he?

[It's this again. Coming up against the edges of reality, finding the hems and digging in through the threads. So this isn't...really about Sans at all. This is more...what do the kids keep calling them?]

[The bones of the world.]

[He's not sure how they got to this point, but at least it's not about him. At least not in an immediate sense.]

[He very carefully steps into their room, slow enough that they can stop him and tell him to leave if they want. Giving them plenty of space to breathe.]

blown you away?

[Papyrus said that? Which timelines were those in? Sans doesn't remember that at all. He just...remembers Papyrus being secretive and excited, like he used to do when he was a kid and he'd found a really cool bug or something that he was waiting for the right time to show to everyone. Sans assumed it would be some kind of hyper-complex bone attack, combining both types of blue magic--something awe-inspiring.]

i...don't know, kid. he must say that when i'm not around, because i don't remember.

[His soul is still thrumming, but it's coming down. He's coming back down. Funny how that works; you turn your attention to someone else, and somehow it helps you in return.]

You made a joke. A joke about dogs inside the -

[Inside the...in the bottom level. The dark one. The - the one whose name they can't remember. A small, pained noise rasps out from their throat, hands raking up through their hair.

Rick had been so angry.

They're starting to see why.]

It took it. It took the name. The - the place where the Amalgamates were, it took the name of it, I can't remember.

[Hand balling up into a fist, the heel of their palm striking at their temple, as if that might be enough to jar everything loose, the shards of something forgotten, something that can't ever be retraced or retrieved. Words, names of places, names of things that have been taken from them.

Is that what happens to people who stay?

How long until they lose - everything?

Does it matters? Does any of it, does any of it matter if it's just them remembering it?]

yeah...i...i remember that.

[Ah, so that's it. That's what set this off. Endogeny. Papyrus...what was it he had said? He'd asked about the...ah, the lab. Yeah, okay. Play on the word "lab," sure. He's told that joke plenty of times, over plenty different timelines.]

[He has, right? In a lot of them at least.]

[Frisk is struggling. He knows this feeling really well, the feeling of trying to grasp at a word or a concept and only being able to brush the surface. Something the Resets drag away, and he's left with lines of the script and some vague impressions.]

yeah, i know. alphys's lab. the--hey. don't do that.

[They hit themselves and he flinches a little.]

try not to do that, okay? it won't really...help. but, yeah. i don't know if there was ever an official name for it. or maybe you gave it one.

[He leans back against the wall, since that seems safest. Gives them plenty of room to pace, puts him at the edge of things, out of their way, less of an intrusion. And he doesn't have to stand up all the way.]

we lost something in the flood event, too. about time. how it moves in circles. [He pauses and sighs.] i get how you feel. at least it's just the words. not the concepts behind them.

[That's not just it.

It's not helping, but that's just the beginning. Just the starting point. The rest, the loop, the everything else, the heavy something-nothing, the ouroboric coil that will crush and kill everything trapped inside it - that's never changed. They've been the person who changes it. The anomaly. The fulcrum.

Aren't they?

Aren't they?]

Were they - were they blue attacks or blue attacks?

[They were always blue. But were they always blue a year into the trajectory, or more? Did they even go on for that long? How cruel does an anomaly have to be?

Beyond cruel. Beyond reasoning with. That's why he never tried. He knew from the start, that there's no pleasing some people. There's no making people happy. There's no talking down creatures like them, making them better, making them any less destructive. That's not what things like them deserve.]

There was a bag of dog food in your room. Was it -

Was it always there?

[There's blue in their voice now, and it's a little startling. He didn't know they could do that. He's heard red and yellow before, and that's it.]

i...

[He remembers an old argument. Light blue vs. cyan. How they were both right. It was a matter of semantics. The Doctor just liked things specific.]

[They were both right. Weren't they both technically right?]

the...first one, i think?

[His frown deepens somewhat at the mention of the dog food. Always? Doesn't that depend on the definition.]

no, i...i mean, not before you showed up, at least.

[He scratches the top of his skull.]

for your timelines, though, i think it was. i...

[It's that looming feeling, that world-coming-undone feeling again, and he looks up past Frisk, almost expecting to see the walls glitching. It hasn't happened in about a week now. The walls are just fine. It's faded. He's back to normal, whatever the hell that means.]

i'm sorry, kiddo, i guess...i guess i'm not really sure what you're asking.

[It's easier, when they've seen the world come apart in their head, now. Easier to see the numbers, the lines, the exact code of the color blue and to name it, pull it out and apply it like a paintbrush to canvas.

Was it always like that?]

Did something - something changed. Something changed and I didn't change it.

[A gray door, a spectral monster child standing at the edge of a pier. All those tidbits, those fragmented pieces of nothing, those memories that were formerly privy to none but people like Chara, like Asriel, those who could dig for it - they just showed up one day and...asserted themselves.

Didn't they?]

Colors. W-words. Papyrus said he had a...he had a special attack. It would've blown me away.

[But he didn't always say that.

He only always said that for a certain span of time. Didn't he?]

something...?

[Something changed. And they didn't change it. Honestly, Sans got so used to the feeling that if something like that happened, he probably just chalked it up to Resets. Or didn't notice at all.]

[A bag of dog food in his room that wasn't always there. Papyrus's special attack blowing them away. Odd choice of words. Something is one way, and then it's another way, and it was always both ways.]

i've...i know that feeling. or...i think i do. maybe. something like it.

[There was never another Royal Scientist. But there was. Sans never held down a job before sentry work. But he did. Something fundamental changes the timeline, and no one notices. Sometimes even the people directly involved.]

[If he didn't notice it this time, it must have been more fundamental than just the existence of a Royal Scientist and a handful of his Followers.]

it's different though, right? than just...the core changing something.

[His skull is starting to ache a little.]

[Sometimes you're not the one in control.

Should be better than that. Should know, should know when it happens. It's your responsibility. Unless there's something beyond that, beyond both of you. Someone who names the Fallen Human. Someone who knows to press [x] or [z] or - or whatever needs pressing.

It's different, somehow. Isn't it?]

He didn't say that before. And then he did. But he always said it.

[Is it just...the CORE? Is it just Frisk, being Frisk? Being incapable of functioning on every base level? Unable to handle any of it when it's thrown at them, even when they start asking for it?]

[He's supposed to be the guy who knows these things. But this? It's completely lost on him, aside from vague comparisons and memories of someone who never existed.]

i get it.

[He's quiet for a bit, hands in his pockets, staring at the floor.]

[He thinks of Zacharie.]

i remembered something...back during the dream event. i had a dream with zacharie in it. and he...did something.

[He won't get into the details unless Frisk asks.]

it made me remember something. something chara had said, that they reloaded over. i shouldn't be able to remember it.

[Shouldn't remember details like that. The dream dug it out somehow. Dug it out of the...]

it's another way to refer to the...old royal scientist. another way to--look at him. an aspect of him. i don't...uh. i don't want to say it out loud. don't want to make things worse.

[Frisk and Chara can say the names of sprites, can recite lines of code without much problem. But he doesn't think he's seen Frisk dig that deep since last year. And with how badly they're doing right now...it would just make it worse.]

you and chara have a way to refer to this stuff, don't you? the bones of the world.

[He gets it.

He knows, it's okay. He knows, he knows and remembers everything, or he knows enough, and it's going to be okay. It's normal. It's normal to feel like this. Nothing out of the ordinary. Memories going faulty, everything far too difficult, impossible even, to recall in full.

Something Chara said. The reloaded over it, and it was another way - an aspect.

An aspect.]

I saw it.

[A whispered admission, head bowing guiltily. They saw what they never should have, lines of dialogue and words unused, interspersed with a peppering of percentage signs and ampersands. Things that were left undone, incomplete.

Forever.]

When they...with the SPELL command. I saw it all.

[It's normal to feel this. It's normal for all of them, at least. They all feel this to some degree or another, every once in awhile.]

[He gives a quiet, tired sigh. All of it. The whole...heh. "Skeleton" of the thing.]

no wonder it affected you so much. seeing the, uh. the whole makeup of the world, all at once. it's...hell. it's a wonder you survived at all.

[He wouldn't have. He knows it for a fact. He doesn't think anyone would have, except Frisk and Chara. And maybe Asriel.]

[Most people are just too thoroughly built into the world to handle it.]

you're a strong kid. you know? incredibly strong.

[Shake their head, no. That's not...not important right now. Doesn't matter if they're strong, or whether or not that changes anything. It doesn't. If they were smarter, stronger, if they knew better - they wouldn't have done what they did on Halloween, and ruined everything.

Pushing hands through hair, and some of it clumps, sticking in between their fingers. Dribbles of their own sick caught in it, twisting and tangling.

Disgusting. You're disgusting. Why are you even alive?]

It's okay.

[That's not why. That's not why it's...that's not what they're talking about.]

I didn't used to see him. Him, and - and the gray monsters. Just sort of started happening.

Something changed.

[They dismiss it, because of course they do. He decides not to fight them on it. No point. Would make things worse. He's trying to do the less worse thing.]

so...the world was one way. then it was another way.

[A subtle shift. No one erased this time. It's...odd, actually. It was like that--like he was further away, almost completely gone. And then it was like he edged a little closer. Not by much, just a fraction.]

do you remember when?

[A moment of contemplation, brow furrowing, a worried knot etching deeper into the space between their eyebrows. Think, think. Try and remember. Another faint thump of one hand to the side of their head, grinding at their temple, but nothing jars loose.]

I don't know.

[Did it change like that for everyone? Just for them? What does everyone else remember? Did their dialogue shift too, universally? Do they know?

How can they know?]

Sorry.

[He wishes they wouldn't do that. He knows it's more a gesture of frustration, of trying to dig the knowledge out of their mind than one of wanting to hurt themselves. But it's still...uncomfortable.]

nah, kid, it's okay. you don't have to know everything. hell, it might be better if you don't. fewer numbers and...such crowdin' up that head.

[He's quiet for awhile, leaning more heavily against the wall.]

our world...don't make much sense. or, it does. it's got...internal consistency. it functions. it's built in such a way, and that works. but...being in wonderland, talking to all the other people here. certain things you'd think would be a universal constant just...aren't. no one talks about HP or DEF. and people talk about souls like they're just an idea.

[He pauses again, mulling things over, trying to put it all in a way that makes sense.]

there's a lot about our world that's strange. that i sure as hell can't understand. but...it's still our world. like i said. it can make sense to us. that's okay, right?

[An internal sense that doesn't translate, when applied across multiple worlds. Dean's frustration when they talk about stats, the blank looks on people's faces when they talk about SOULs. Shepard's quiet awe and disbelief when they pull out the little red heart as it glistens between their fingertips, Zacharie's inability to display something just as tangible.

It's a strange world they have. And tangled at the center if it is a lot of numbers that don't make sense. A Puppeteer who can alter things without anyone knowing. Consequences rendered inert, file names ERASED.]

What do you remember?

[There's something important. Something important about the lab, the one whose name has been scrubbed away.]

About the lab?

Edited 2017-04-18 20:24 (UTC)

[He's quiet for a bit, and he actually looks up to meet their gaze for a few long moments.]

it...depends what you mean. in the current state of things? going down there, seeing endogeny. quiet, empty halls. dim lighting... i must've gone back at some point to see the extractor. but i don't know when.

[Screens along the walls, but he never read any of them. Didn't spend enough time down there. Just enough to try and piece things together, of the course of timelines. Not that it ended up mattering.]

but before all that...the lab was something else. long, long before you showed up, before the flower. before alphys was the royal scientist.

[He doesn't know.

Unless he does, and just...never mentioned it. Never mentioned what else he might've seen, the other Amalgamates, the golden flowers, the seeds that just get stuck to you no matter what, the set of tapes and an old television set.]

What else?

[There has to be an else. It's Sans. It's Sans, and he knows - he knows everything, doesn't he? He has his finger in every pie. He knows enough about everything to know how the world works, how he's supposed to be wound around it all. He knows about reports, and anomalies, and what a SAVE does, and how a RESET changes everything.

He knows.

He knows because he's Sans, and whenever he says he doesn't - it's never for sure.]

[What else. There's always an else. There's always supposed to be an else with him. He convinced two kids that he knew everything, and he convinced them too damn well to ever suggest otherwise.]

[It's exhausting. It's exhausting trying to figure out what they expect him to know, it's exhausting trying to know it all, it's exhausting playing catch-up, trying to explain that he doesn't know this or that thing and being told he must be lying. And it's all his own goddamn fault. He did this to himself. He has no one else to blame.]

[Chara will never believe or trust him, but sometimes he lets himself forget that Frisk is the same way.]

[He scrubs at his face, bone rasping against bone.]

it used to belong to the old royal scientist. but it was different then. bigger. there was more of us. i don't remember all that much from back then. just some moments, some stuff that happened. stuff we were working on. the layout completely changed after...everything. so. nothing from back then is really relevant to how the lab is now, except for a few things alphys must have found.

[Blueprints and who even knows what else.]

this is the same thing chara was so afraid of, isn't it?

Don't talk about them like that.

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