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And mine wasn't?

[They could have fought. Could have...done a lot of things. But they'd known it'd be easy, and their HP was low, and Leonard was there and willing and he wouldn't gain LOVE for it.

They knew.]

But it's wrong when I do it. Not allowed to think about it or want it. I'm not allowed to be broken in that way am I?

[That's not very funny, Chara. But they've lost the right to say things like that. Can't pass judgment anymore, even jokingly. No more joking. Strictly business. Chara can...do as they like. They always do.]

Ha ha. No.

It wasn't, as a matter of fact. You were murdered, and there is a man who will live the rest of his life knowing he has a child's blood on their hands as a result.

[He'd better, anyway. Chara refuses to let one more person cut Frisk down and shrug it off. They're not going to encourage Frisk to blame themself for being stabbed, or whatever the hell method he used. They don't much care for the spiralling abyss of "it's my fault they hit me, I could have prevented it if I was more good, he's not to blame, I am."

Not suicide. Killed.

But they doubt Frisk is willing to listen to that, either.]

What do you want me to say here, Frisk. "Ha ha, yeah, it was really good and admirable when I did it, I'm the perfect role model?" Or maybe just "you're right, the kind-hearted thing for me to do is totally encourage you to go and up and slit your wrists again, that's great and everyone should do it."

Did I say I was not wrong, or bad, or guilty of a sin? Did I say that it's good when I do it and bad when you do?

[...Why are they even trying, for that matter?

Frisk's going to twist their words no matter what they say. You can't force someone to get better if they're (ha ha) determined to sink deeper. Chara can repeat, yet again, over and over, that this isn't them deciding Frisk isn't allowed to be damaged by what they went through, that it isn't them declaring that all those traits are perfectly okay when Chara does it and a mortal offense when Frisk does.

They can scream until they're blue in the face about how all this ache is valid, they're just trying to ease the weight Frisk has to carry - how there's a difference between "I want to help you feel secure and content" and "It annoys me when you're visibly upset in my presence, how dare you." Like it's a reprimand when people to see that Frisk is wildly distressed and want them to not have to feel crushingly miserable. Like comforting is the same thing as criticism.

Maybe the better thing to do, then, isn't comfort. Stick to the original plan. They wanted to keep Frisk safely away from their corrosive influence. And now Frisk most definitely wants it that way. Doesn't want Chara's inadequate and awful attempts at comfort. They're just manipulative. Hypocritical. Cruel. They're more punishment than anything. Making it even worse, twisting the knife.

Just like your parents, Chara, aren't you.

It's foolish to try and repair a relationship you broke in the first place. It's doubly foolish to try and repair a relationship that the other party clearly doesn't want to repair.]

You know what? Fine. I 100% support the idea you should be miserable, forever. I believe in you and your power to only ever feel bad. I tenderly and encouragingly hope that you never stop wanting to die. You can follow your dreams! That's what you want to hear, isn't it? That's so much kinder, huh?

Your stupid care package is in the hall. Have one of the many visitors who definitely aren't here to try and be there for you or anything bring them in.

I made him. He didn't want to.

It fixed me anyway.

[They won't let him be punished for a mistake. He'll punish himself for it brutally. He doesn't need someone else haunting his steps and reminding him of something he knows he's done, and hates himself for.

Of course, then, things turn and go the way they always do. You're so miserable, Frisk. It's like you want to be upset. It's like you don't even want to feel better. You just want to wallow in your self-pity forever, don't you? It makes a convenient excuse for when you make mistakes. Wasn't you at all. Just the horrible angry thing you're feeling that makes you act that way.

Chara will leave again, and the ache in their chest will renew, and...they'll be okay. They'll live because they must. They'll live because - no, not because they must. Not out of any want or need to. They'll live because, quite simply, that's what things that are alive do. They live.

Until one day they don't.]

I told you I don't want them.

[For just a moment, there's a nauseating twist in their gut, and they wish they could rip the words away the moment they type them.]

Or do you not understand the meaning of the word "no"?

You made him, just like I made you seek LOVE in the first place? You're getting better and better at picking and choosing when your wise advice gets to apply.

Fine. Fine! I'll take all your stupid presents and toss them in an incinerator. God only knows I've learned what happens when I don't do what Frisk wants, right?

[They just drop their phone into the stupid dumb wagon full of stupid dumb garbage. Go haul this unwelcome mess down the trash chute, like they should have done in the first place.]

It was very easy. I almost made Sans do it too.

Children are very fragile.

[Children are very fragile, but it can take so long for them to die. Their little bodies hold onto life for so long. Maybe children have more determination than adults do. Maybe there's something about them that's literally unwilling to die, even when it suits them.]

Give them to someone who needs them. Do what you want with them.

If you don't, I will.

Edited (my worst enemy, john html, we meet again) 2017-01-01 08:37 (UTC)

So we're right back to "everything people do that's hurtful, we MADE them do it." Cool.

See, what I "wanted" was to bring them to you, in the useless misguided hope that tangible physical evidence people care about you might help, or that even a half-second's distraction of ripping off paper and looking in boxes might entertain you more than clawing your flesh off.

But ha ha, that's sure off the table, huh? So I'm dumping them. Not your problem anymore. You're free. You can even tell everyone who gave you things that I did it, if you're so hellbent on being perfect.

No thank you. They'll know it was me.

You give very good advice for someone who doesn't follow it.

[Perhaps that can be something else they have in common. Only they shouldn't be thinking that. Shouldn't be talking to them at all. Supposed to be ripping the band-aid away, or something. Bad for each other and just making things worse, and this is, once again, the proof.

Are you happy now, Frisk? Have you gotten what you wanted?

They can't want anything.]

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