determinedest | ic inbox

Yeah. Never say 'sorry' to me again after what I did.

[Or period. Clearly the mistakes tend to be on his side, when it really matters.]

Mick's been looking out for me since I was... Hell. Since I was your age. I messed things up. We both made mistakes, but I'm supposed to be the one with the bigger picture. I've the plans. He's not bad. He needs people. He doesn't think he deserves them.

Don't. I forced your hand.

[They're adamant on that. The way he talks about him - he cares about him, plainly. And there's an ache, heavy and hollow in their chest, because something about this is so familiar.

So, so familiar.]

He's like you.

It was an accident, because I was careless. That's on me, Frisk.

[So very familiar.]

Look who's talking.

I attacked you. You were defending yourself.

Or is that not allowed?

[If it's not allowed for Frisk, then it's not allowed for anyone else? Is that it?]

I'm a survivor. I was always going to protect myself.

But that I killed you, that wasn't planned or necessary. That's on me. I could have kept you down for however long was needed.

I hurt people. I hurt the people I cared most about. I did it because I knew what it would make them do.

I almost made Sans kill me.

If it wasn't going to be you, it would have been someone else. That's what I was like. That's what I wanted.

It never should have been you. And I'm sorry for that.

Stop that.

I've killed a lot of people, Frisk. I'm not proud of it, but it's fact. I don't have much of a heart.

I told you that I'd kill you if you messed with my mind without asking. I told you or at least I'm telling you now, that I'd kill you again for your own sake, when I know it's what you want.

But I didn't do this on purpose and that I don't want to be forgiven. That's a mistake.

Now, stop being sorry for my sake and tell me what you want now.

And I'm telling you it's what I wanted. And it's

[It's where they're headed. Inevitably.]

I've killed people too. People I love. People I trust. I've hurt them, and it never gets easier. I don't ask to be forgiven and I'm forgiven anyway.

I forgive you.

Sorry, kid. Don't forgive myself.

I know that song already. Sing me a new one.

What do you want NOW?

Edited 2016-12-21 04:05 (UTC)

Nothing.

[It's not a lie. What they want, specifically, is nothing. To be buried in nothing. To bury themself in it, and finally, at long last -

Sleep.]

You don't have to forgive you. Lots of people I know don't forgive themselves.

But I'm going to forgive you anyway.

Not surprising, you got a lot lower standards for everyone else than you do for yourself.

[Look who's talking indeed.]

Literal nothing?

[He wouldn't ask like this. But it's them.]

LOL! What does that even mean

[Maybe they're overplaying their misdirection. Either way, there's not much likelihood Chara would tell other people that he cares about Frisk...right? As far as Chara's concerned...

Well, they don't know what Chara's concerns are. Anymore.]

I've been told I have zero standards.

Then how come you fail them?

[He doesn't know the story here, but it's not as if he has a right to be told. That won't keep him from asking.]

That's not the same.

Someone with a special power has a responsibility to do the right thing.

The standards you have for yourself are impossible to meet. Your special power is a special way of screwing you over.

People are not variables I get to adjust for Fun. I am not above consequences.

I can't ever forget that.

Yeah.

You see any danger of you forgetting that, kid, because I don't.

I did forget. Or I ignored it. That's why I have to be careful.

[Didn't let someone say "no." Hold their hand, ask for a hug, say they're wrong. They're wrong, Frisk is right, Frisk knows what you want better than you do. They know best for everyone.

Don't they.]

I knocked my best friend out. I called him stupid. I told him that I call the shots.

He got taken because of that. I got no excuse, I got no special power, I'm just a controlling dick. Thought I knew best for him and neglected to take into account what he wanted.

Once he started to move on from it and maybe forgave me, guess what? I knocked him out again. Right now I'm deciding to keep the future for him, because I figure I know his mind better than anyone and I want to decide what he has to deal with when.

[Damn, it's looking bad.]

What did you do?

[What didn't they do? That seems like a much less profound question at this point. A much easier one to answer.]

I almost killed Chara. I almost killed a lot of people. And then Chara defended themself and now they blame themself for hurting me, even if they were just doing what they had to.

Just like you.

So I hurt Chara again. I stabbed them.

I tried to kill Sans.

I tried to make Sans kill me. He almost did.

Chara told me they don't love me. I told them I didn't believe them. I must know best for them. I told them they were wrong. Wouldn't let them tell me no.

It's too much for any of them. They don't want to talk to me, and they don't love me. They shouldn't, if all I've done is hurt them.

So maybe it's better this way.

You did that while you were in that state I found you in?

Better what way, Frisk?

Yes.

If I don't try to fix things this time. If I just leave them that way.

[There is no problem if the problem's catalyst disappears.]

So, let's go over this.

You lost it, I took you out. Now you want to prevent the possibility of it ever happening again.

How about next time I'd just take you out sooner?

It won't happen again.

[A promise they can finally keep. Will wonders never cease?]

I don't want to make you do that again anyway. You've been hurt enough.

Never done it when I planned for it. I don't do remorse when a plan works out.

You doing that? Not in my plan. That'd hurt.

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cw suicide ideation

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