determinedest | ic inbox

heh. wonderland has a weird perception of what holidays should be.

[He finishes about half of one pancake and then sets the plate down, stifling a sigh.]

[Are you okay?

They don't ask it, though. He...isn't okay. They know that much. Papyrus is gone. He's alone. He hasn't been talking to them much.]

You never had Christmas Underground. Just Gyftmas. Right?

yeah, heh. [He folds his hands in his lap.] i remember last year people had to explain it to me. dipper and mabel had to explain hanukkah. we didn't have any of the religious stuff underground. just santa and presents and trees.

Yeah. Kinda funny how it ended up being the same as Christmas was on the surface anyway.

[Not funny, maybe. But...weird? Maybe not, when you consider that so much of monsters' understanding of humans came from whatever garbage fell in from the surface.]

funny how stuff like that works.

[He falls silent, staring at the floor.]

[He...should say something, shouldn't he. That's what a normal, functioning, decent person would do. Actually talk about all the shit that happened. Apologize, but what's the point of an apology when he's just going to let them down in the exact same way again and again? Ask if they're okay, but they're absolutely not okay, and they'll just lie if he asks them, just like he'll lie if they ask him. Tell them he forgives them, but that's just as empty as an apology, and that's assuming that they think they need to be forgiven, which they probably do, but he doesn't know. He never knows what's going on in their head.]

[Say something.]

how...how's chara?

[And then they end up like this. Frisk shrugs, and keeps their gaze trained on their pancakes. A bad choice, it turns out. They're chocolate. Like how Chara likes.]

I don't know. They won't talk to me.

Told me to go to hell.

[They try to smile. A good joke, right?]

F-funny. 'Cause how we...already went there.

...oh.

[Still, huh? He supposes Frisk trying to literally kill Chara didn't help matters. Not that they were entirely to blame. Who're the ones who made them undetermined after all, huh?]

[He folds his fingers together.]

yeah. funny.

[It's not funny.]

i'm...

[Apologies are worthless. Absolutely useless. Empty, meaningless words. No point. It's not about you, Sans. Who cares if you're sorry? What good does that do anyone?]

[Say something else.]

you're...the two of you are family. siblings. siblings fight. might take awhile, but you'll both resolve it eventually. things got...pretty messed up. so. just gotta give each other time.

[He's out of his depth. It's painfully apparent, and they shouldn't have said anything. But still, even if they told a lie, he could've always corroborated with Chara to make sure. Assuming he's even still talking to them. Or they're still talking to him.

Family. Siblings. It's a good thing they've had such practice schooling their features into emptiness over the past month. It's simple enough now.]

It's all right, Sans. They don't love me anymore. I wasn't the greatest person.

[But Frisk...

Frisk can give them the partner they always wished they had.]

[All siblings fight, even the ones who love each other with all their soul. Or heart, as the case may be.]

[He glances over at them at the words. That's...alarming. To put it mildly.]

are you sure that's true? that doesn't sound right.

[Frisk is the one thing that Sans is pretty sure Chara will always love. Them and Asriel.]

they might just be trying to push you away.

I thought so too. But they said I hurt them, and I did.

[They've used everything against them. Every trick, every trap. Broken every promise. And now they're stuck. Stuck being unable to move forward or back, stuck being wholly unable to form a sharp-edged end for themself, because then Chara will follow.]

I pushed them. I wouldn't let them tell me no. I acted very wrong to them, and they don't think I'm their Partner anymore.

So I guess I'm not.

well, yeah.

[He thinks Frisk might mean something else, but yeah, he's pretty sure stabbing someone in the chest counts as hurting them.]

but if people stopped being family every time they hurt each other, there'd be no such thing as family.

[He pauses. He doubts he has any right to offer advice, especially when it's unsolicited. It's not like either of the kids listen to him very much anyway.]

just...give it time, maybe.

[God he's bad at this. This isn't helping. Frisk isn't the most patient of kids. They don't like waiting. They don't like the idea that bad things can just continue and continue, and that you can't fix it immediately, by saying the right words at the right time, or by Reloading and doing it right the next time.]

[Maybe that's why they've never had family before, ha ha. Nominally, maybe, but they weren't really people who must have wanted them. And the people they hurt over and over again - eventually, they wise up. And they never come back.

It makes sense.]

Sometimes there's no coming back from it.

[Some things you just don't come back from at all. Wouldn't he know that?]

I'm not above consequences.

you haven't gained any LOVE.

[He can always tell.]

this isn't one of those times. not yet.

[There's still...well, it feels stupid to even think it, but there's still hope.]

That was...

[Well. They have Leonard to thank for that. Even if he hasn't talked to them very much. Maybe he will soon. They can really only hope.]

You don't need LOVE to hurt someone, Sans.

[They both know that rather well.]

[Quietly,] i know.

[They both know it.]

well. [He slides off the counter, abandoning his half-eaten plate of pancakes.] can't tell you what to do.

[Can't even apparently give them advice anymore.]

[Said the wrong thing again. Ruined it again. Can't...ha ha, can't do anything right. Keep driving the people they love away.

Maybe that's for the best.

Frisk sets their plate aside too. They're not very hungry anymore.]

I guess not. No.

[He stands there, hands jammed in his pockets, staring at the floor.]

it might...it's probably worthless to say , but...

[Shouldn't say it. Will probably make things worse. Not that that's anything new with him.]

[It's worthless, he knows it's worthless, but...]

i'm...i'm sorry, frisk. about...

[His eyesockets close briefly.]

for everything.

[Is it worthless? Maybe. They don't...it's worth a lot, a whole lot, that he's still trying. Even if he's feeling empty and wrung-out and he's been walking like there's a great, terrible weight on his shoulders ever since Papyrus left, he's still trying.

He tries so much more than he gives himself credit for.

They speak quietly, and they find they can't look at him.

can't tell you want to do.]

I am too, Sans.

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