* Despite everything, it's still you. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
determinedest) wrote2016-02-01 10:14 pm
determinedest) wrote2016-02-01 10:14 pm
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You've reached Frisk. If I'm not answering my phone, please leave a message or find me on the second floor, Room 12.
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No. Never.
[Yes. Yes, they had. More fervently and wholeheartedly than they'd ever wished on the surface. They'd believed in those stupid rocks even more than they'd believed in real stars.
But that just sounds... it sounds stupid, right? Naive. Pointless. What kinds of things would a bleak little destroyer like them ever wish for? The only thing an inhuman force of nature like them wants is destruction.]
I thought you had plenty to wish for back then, though. To stay alive. To make it out. To be safe. To be free. For... for a real friend, right? For someone who wouldn't hurt you.
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[There's a bitter twist in their gut as they say it. They still remember that, that frustration, that clenching in their stomach as they'd wished and wished and even prayed, sometimes, for someone to hear. Supplicated themselves to whatever deity might be listening.
That was the first time they learned that nobody came.
And nobody ever would.]
If that didn't work, what good was a bunch of fake stars gonna do?
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Guess it's no good waiting around passively, hoping someone else will come save you.
[Didn't work for Asgore. Didn't work out for Flowey, really. Guess it sort of worked out for Alphys, though? Worked out for all monsterkind. And it's not like taking matters into your own hands ever got Chara anywhere, either. It just made things worse.
...Turns out it's a good thing they didn't admit to wishing on those rocks. Frisk was smarter than that. More grown-up than that. Chara just would have looked like a baby.]
It's like that one saying, right? If wishes were fishes, then... something something.
[They don't know how the second half goes. Then beggars would ride?? They'd ride the fish?? That's stupid, Chara. That doesn't make sense.]
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[If wishes were fishes, we'd all be eating sushi? They don't know how the saying goes, really. Waiting passively and hoping for someone to SAVE you never really works out, in their experience. They saw some of those grainy old movies, sometimes. Stories about princesses who got whisked away to magical balls thanks to a kindly old woman with wings. But they could wish and think and hope and dream all they wanted - they'd never be deserving of that same kind of cosmic kindness.
The most they could do was hike up that old mountain themself. That was the only out they'd be getting.]
I dunno. I guess wishes lost their luster a while ago.
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[Makes it sound normal. Makes it sound like a good thing. See, you're getting how the world really works! Taking off the rose-tinted glasses and hauling yourself up by the bootstraps. The world has enough dreamers who are never getting anywhere.
And you... you're not a dreamer at all, no matter how hard you try.]
Wishing and make believe are for babies. We're a lot more pragmatic than that. Practical. Go-getters.
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[Frisk sips at their tea to mask the fact that they're not sure how to really respond to that. They are - determined, that's for certain. Determined to go, or to stay, or to do whatever they like. Being told they can't do something is still a concept they have to mentally adjust to, whenever it happens. Losing people, and not just because they killed them.
They forge their own path. With knives, with dust, with love or LOVE - with whatever's on hand, they guess.]
Guess you're right. I dunno. Is it really wishing when you're determined enough to make anything happen?
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They stall for time by drinking their tea. Or maybe they're just sipping it to mirror what Frisk's doing.]
* "Dream" Heals 12 HP
* The goal of "Determination."
[They wonder, sort of, if Frisk had been disappointed that it healed less once the battle was over. Maybe they were relieved that they didn't need the extra boost anymore.
Maybe they were just unsettled that a Dream would behave so similarly to a Bad Memory.]
Does that answer your question? Or am I maybe just reciting things that don't really mean anything?
[They laugh a little. They don't know the answer to that question, honestly.]
I can't say that everything I was determined to do was necessarily something I'd call a "wish" or a "dream," though.
[A "way out," perhaps. Or a "last resort." Wonder how much HP one of those would heal!]
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I guess, [Frisk murmurs. They're not sure how much they're meant to derive from things like that. Maybe a Dream is just like Determination. Something able to be made manifest through sheer force of will. Just about any law, it seems, can be bent if one has enough will to forge behind it.]
Hopes and dreams.
[They laugh, quietly, though there isn't much strength behind it. Mostly just a strange sadness they're not sure how to place.]
Monsters are weird.
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[It's weirder to not know how to wish than to be made of optimistic and bubbly things, isn't it? It's weirder to hate something you don't even know at all than to love it.
They don't want this to be normal. They don't want this to be all they can expect. Easier to keep being an aberration, an exception, something that deserves different standards than real people do.]
I mean, we're having tea and frosting at midnight.
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[Humans are equally baffling, sometimes. They're still not sure how they got to have so many friends, both children and adults. How they got to feeling so safe around people who've killed them, who've threatened to kill them, who acknowledge their sins but choose to love them anyway.]
Well. If we're weird, we can be weird together, [Frisk says, trying for airy and landing somewhere between tired and strangely fond.] That way neither of us is alone.