* Despite everything, it's still you. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
determinedest) wrote2016-02-01 10:14 pm
determinedest) wrote2016-02-01 10:14 pm
Entry tags:
ic inbox
You've reached Frisk. If I'm not answering my phone, please leave a message or find me on the second floor, Room 12.
( text | audio | video | or literally anything )
no subject
[Frisk glances up, unable to mask their shock. Chara might be adept at reading them most of the time, but they're not sure how much of that question has to do with expecting some kind of lashing out, being conditioned to retreat and hate themselves and blame themselves, because they must have made Toriel love them.
Frisk looks back at the pie, pictures it like the way it was in the worst timelines. Just a tool. A lifeless thing to be swallowed down at an opportune moment.
They consider whether they actually feel angry. But...no, not really. Not angry. Just not really very anything.]
No. Not...not you. I don't know if I'm even mad, to be honest. I'm just...tired.
no subject
Or maybe...]
Feeling nothing's a lot easier than feeling too much.
[Just tired. Just grey. Just kind of hollowed out. They sort of think that's supposed to be LOVE, too, but Frisk feels it without any EXP. They felt it when they were alive, when the only thing they ever actually managed to kill was... ha ha, you know the punchline by now. But at least it's not violent, fiery, consuming. At least it's sort of livable, for a while.]
no subject
[So just...shut it all down. Scrub it all out. If you don't feel anything, you don't get hurt. If you condition yourself to expect disappointment, you're never disappointed when it comes.]
But...no. I can't just blame you for everything that's happened. It's my fault too, right?
[They are, after all, partners.
It's only fair that they're both held accountable.]
no subject
no subject
[The words dry up on their tongue. Somehow, they can't think of a justification there. Not immediately.]
Because I - I think -
[* You think you deserve it.]
I think I need to own up to this. I'm not...I kept telling everyone the truth about, about how things went back home. And everyone said it was okay. They don't remember dying, except Papyrus.
no subject
Is it just... a one or the other kind of thing? Alphys, Undyne, Sans when he has enough energy to... they hate me. Maybe we can't both be loved at the same time.
[They know it's kind of a stupid answer. Papyrus exists, after all, and they still haven't figured out how to make him give up on them. But...]
Maybe it's the way it works. Nobody can get killed by someone and not be mad.
[It would explain, too, why Frisk can love everyone who killed them so much. Chara definitely hates all of them enough for both of them, right?]
no subject
[If they did, would Chara still be persisting, unambushed, as they have? Alphys...well, they'd all been pretty messed up that event. If what Frisk said and did is excusable, maybe that can extend to everyone.]
I think they just...don't know how to understand you just yet. It'll happen soon.
[They're deflecting. It's probably obvious.
They don't care.]
no subject
Then I suppose Toriel doesn't know how to understand you just yet either.
[Does it help?]
no subject
[It's a cheering-up effort, they know that much. But they feel a little better.
Tentatively, timidly, they skim a bit of whipped cream off the top of the pie and lick it from their fingertip.]
...Thanks.
no subject
They plant their hands on the bedspread, ready to stand, but pause. Uncertain.]
Do... you need anything else?
no subject
[They allow themselves a smile. It's wavering, and weak, but sincere.]
You're a good friend.
no subject
Whatever. Overthinking it. They stand up, return to their own bed.]
Lies and slander. I refuse to have my reputation besmirched so openly. I'm going to bed, or a reasonably sleepless facsimile thereof.
no subject
[But Frisk's smile definitely solidifies as they eat the slice of Butterscotch Pie.]