determinedest | ic inbox

fair enough.

i think it's just gonna take her awhile. chara told her pretty much everything. things just need to settle.

She's right to be mad.

[If you have some kind of special power...]

I guess these are those consequences I've been waiting for.

i'm sorry, frisk. shouldn't have happened like that.

Why? Why are you sorry?

I killed her. I killed her lots of times, just like I killed everyone. Isn't this what I deserve? Don't I have the responsibility to do the right thing? Didn't I mess that up?

kid i

[No. No, he can't just type out the first thing that comes to his head. Can't half-ass this. Can't mess this up.]

[Step back, think, take a second, say the right thing. He doesn't know how to be the stable one, the anchor, but he has to...]

[Heh. "Try."]

[It takes several minutes for him to form a coherent reply.]

so...i gotta apologize in advance. i'm not good at this, and this is gonna get kinda wordy. but i got stuff to tell you and i wanna get it right.

you know, doing bad stuff, even really bad stuff, it doesn't mean you can't be forgiven. you regret those timelines. i know you do. that's a pretty big step all on its own. but you've tried to make up for it, too. and you wouldn't even really have to. because, you know...no one remembers. if you go reset or reload and fix something, it's like the mistake or the bad thing never even happened. at least, it would be easy to think that way, right? it'd be easy to think you're above consequences.

but you don't. you own your mistakes. even the things that weren't mistakes, you own them and regret them and accept responsibility. and you try to fix things. and that's actually...really rare. the fact that you're doing any of that is really important, frisk. it's kind of proof that...maybe i was wrong. that maybe papyrus was right. that people can change. and it's why i say that the current timeline is the only one that really matters. the current you is a good person who tries to be a better person. i can't judge you for anything you did in past timelines. no one can.

and for what it's worth, i think you can make it okay with toriel. it might take a long time. i think the important thing is just to...try. and keep trying. maybe that's what all that determination should be for. not trying to go back and fix things, but...trying to keep moving forward. that's probably real hypocritical coming from me, but you're...a strong, stubborn kid. facing things and finding the best way to get through them is kinda what you do. it just...sucks. and it's okay if it sucks. maybe you don't have to be determined all the time. it's okay to sit and take a break and not be okay for awhile.

you just...can't be like me, alright? you can't...you know. give up and not try at all. accept that "sans okay" is gonna be he the only okay you ever are.

anyway, uh...my thumbs are starting to get tired, so...i hope any of that made sense.

i'm rooting for you frisk.

[Don't wonder too hard when he doesn't respond right away. What's it matter? He probably got bored or gave up or fell asleep. They don't hold it against him. They feel the same.

They don't expect what they get. They don't know what to do with the limp fluttering feeling in their SOUL. They don't feel very determined.

But maybe they feel comforted.

For a long time, they don't know what to say back.]

Is this you keeping your promise?

[They almost say that they don't deserve it. But...after that, it feels wrong.]

I don't think it'll always be enough. Just facing things head-on. But I guess it's not supposed to be. I don't think she's ever going to trust me. I don't think she should. I guess it's time to deal with things the way everyone else does. Right?

I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of it.

Thanks.

ha. maybe it is. for once.

[And maybe it's too little too late, but...well, he cares too much about Frisk not to at least put in a tiny bit of effort. Maybe even a tiny bit more than the usual bare minimum.]

yeah. it's...tough. no point in pretending it isn't. but yeah. and you know, like i said. it's okay to take a break. i think if there's one thing you definitely deserve, it's a break.

and nah. don't worry about me.

and...sorry again about turning you blue like that. i know it's a real unpleasant feeling. just wanted to get you out of the way in case she was serious.

It's okay. I didn't expect her to do that, and it's good you were there to keep things from
getting worse. The last thing she needed to see was me coming at her like that.

[It wasn't a good feeling, that sensation of being flung back. Too reminiscent of horrible battles and seeing golden tiles through his ribs. But they know he didn't have a lot of choice. Unfortunately. For a monster that eschews unnecessary movement, they know from experience that he can move fast when the situation absolutely requires it.]

You and Chara seem to be doing better. Are you two

[Well, "friends" might be a bit too optimistic]

getting along more?

you couldn't have predicted it. i just didn't want to see you

[Die. Again.]

get hurt or anything

and actually...kinda? feel like we understand each other more. there's stuff we agree on that ends up being more important than the stuff we disagree on.

[Like that they need to look after Frisk.]

Then that's one good thing that came of it.

[See? They can still be optimistic. That has to mean something good, and positive.

Or they're just lying to themselves. Again.]

I don't think she would've killed me. She never means to.

yeah i suppose.

[It's something. Maybe.]

you mean she's

killed you before?

Only by accident. She tries very hard not to, but sometimes that doesn't matter.

She always looks scared by it after.

i'm sorry. that's

rough.

Not really. I'm used to it.

It's worse for her.

that's not a thing anyone should have to get used to.

That's not really something we get to change at this point.

I don't get to ERASE my memory of any of that.

yeah.

[And how much of that is his fault?]

[It's not about him. But still. He made a promise. And he barely kept it. Maybe told a monster or two to leave the weird human thing alone and kept an eyesocket on them from a distance. Just...watched. And waited.]

it still sucks.

Yeah.

I'm still sorry you had to see all that. It had to happen sooner or later though.

i guess.

but listen, don't worry about me. took me by surprise, but that's all. and i've seen worse. and not because of anything a version of you might have done, either--before you get the wrong idea.

something worse than me killing everyone

matter of perspective i guess.

[That's not really an answer.]

It must be.

She picked a room right next to ours.

I think I might need to move.

if you think that's for the best. but it might actually be best if you and chara keep sticking together.

You really think so?

yeah.

though haha not literally.

you guys just balance each other out. you're helping chara to be a better person. and it seems like chara really "charas" about you, heh. they try to protect you.

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