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Then that's one good thing that came of it.

[See? They can still be optimistic. That has to mean something good, and positive.

Or they're just lying to themselves. Again.]

I don't think she would've killed me. She never means to.

I think Chara's gonna tell her the truth. Not least because I cannot imagine Chara is capable of shutting up about their evilness for more than five seconds. And I don't think they'll be happy with you not happy.

She won't believe them. Chara never liked themselves very much.

...We. Right?

[They lay that thought down - we, not I, wonderful partners, together forever - but don't know how to follow it up. Tell Frisk that they gave Toriel the truth? That they tried and tried to lay down how vile they were, how the bad actions weren't a lost human child, but a soulless wraith imposing its will onto them. How she even knows about Alex and Undyne, and that's still not enough to make her realize which child deserves scorn.

But that... maybe that's cruel. Maybe it would just hurt to hear about all the things Chara got away with scot-free while Frisk has to suffer like this. Maybe Frisk wouldn't even believe them. Maybe Frisk just thinks Chara blamed them for the killings, because that's so much easier, right? Maybe they manipulated this entire situation exactly to their liking, forced Toriel to care about them and not Frisk with cunning lies. How can they call themselves on Frisk's side when things are like this?

Maybe they don't have the right to say anything at all.]

You don't... have to be so sickening about this. You don't have to be sunshine and hopes. You're actually mad at me, aren't you?

At you?

[Frisk glances up, unable to mask their shock. Chara might be adept at reading them most of the time, but they're not sure how much of that question has to do with expecting some kind of lashing out, being conditioned to retreat and hate themselves and blame themselves, because they must have made Toriel love them.

Frisk looks back at the pie, pictures it like the way it was in the worst timelines. Just a tool. A lifeless thing to be swallowed down at an opportune moment.

They consider whether they actually feel angry. But...no, not really. Not angry. Just not really very anything.]

No. Not...not you. I don't know if I'm even mad, to be honest. I'm just...tired.

[They don't know if they trust that. They can't imagine not feeling resentment, or envy, or... or anything like that. But maybe it makes sense, right? Good people don't get angry. Anger's evil.

Or maybe...]

Feeling nothing's a lot easier than feeling too much.

[Just tired. Just grey. Just kind of hollowed out. They sort of think that's supposed to be LOVE, too, but Frisk feels it without any EXP. They felt it when they were alive, when the only thing they ever actually managed to kill was... ha ha, you know the punchline by now. But at least it's not violent, fiery, consuming. At least it's sort of livable, for a while.]

I think we both know that.

[So just...shut it all down. Scrub it all out. If you don't feel anything, you don't get hurt. If you condition yourself to expect disappointment, you're never disappointed when it comes.]

But...no. I can't just blame you for everything that's happened. It's my fault too, right?

[They are, after all, partners.

It's only fair that they're both held accountable.]

Then why are you the only one getting punished?

Because...

[The words dry up on their tongue. Somehow, they can't think of a justification there. Not immediately.]

Because I - I think -

[* You think you deserve it.]

I think I need to own up to this. I'm not...I kept telling everyone the truth about, about how things went back home. And everyone said it was okay. They don't remember dying, except Papyrus.

Is what I'm doing not owning up, then?

Is it just... a one or the other kind of thing? Alphys, Undyne, Sans when he has enough energy to... they hate me. Maybe we can't both be loved at the same time.

[They know it's kind of a stupid answer. Papyrus exists, after all, and they still haven't figured out how to make him give up on them. But...]

Maybe it's the way it works. Nobody can get killed by someone and not be mad.

[It would explain, too, why Frisk can love everyone who killed them so much. Chara definitely hates all of them enough for both of them, right?]

They don't hate you.

[If they did, would Chara still be persisting, unambushed, as they have? Alphys...well, they'd all been pretty messed up that event. If what Frisk said and did is excusable, maybe that can extend to everyone.]

I think they just...don't know how to understand you just yet. It'll happen soon.

[They're deflecting. It's probably obvious.

They don't care.]

[They look over at Frisk. Slowly, like their eyes have weight, like just pointing all that redness anywhere but down is a physical effort.]

Then I suppose Toriel doesn't know how to understand you just yet either.

[Does it help?]

I...I guess, yeah.

[It's a cheering-up effort, they know that much. But they feel a little better.

Tentatively, timidly, they skim a bit of whipped cream off the top of the pie and lick it from their fingertip.]

...Thanks.

[Well. They're letting themselves eat it. The miniscule, hesitant nibbles aren't so bad; Chara knows what it's like to think you have to make it last.

They plant their hands on the bedspread, ready to stand, but pause. Uncertain.]

Do... you need anything else?

I don't think so. Not anymore.

[They allow themselves a smile. It's wavering, and weak, but sincere.]

You're a good friend.

[They don't smile back. Don't know why. Is not smiling more or less sincere if you always have a smile on? If they don't feel like smiling, is that rudeness or honesty?

Whatever. Overthinking it. They stand up, return to their own bed.]

Lies and slander. I refuse to have my reputation besmirched so openly. I'm going to bed, or a reasonably sleepless facsimile thereof.

Whatever you say, partner.

[But Frisk's smile definitely solidifies as they eat the slice of Butterscotch Pie.]

yeah i suppose.

[It's something. Maybe.]

you mean she's

killed you before?

Only by accident. She tries very hard not to, but sometimes that doesn't matter.

She always looks scared by it after.

i'm sorry. that's

rough.

Not really. I'm used to it.

It's worse for her.

that's not a thing anyone should have to get used to.

That's not really something we get to change at this point.

I don't get to ERASE my memory of any of that.

yeah.

[And how much of that is his fault?]

[It's not about him. But still. He made a promise. And he barely kept it. Maybe told a monster or two to leave the weird human thing alone and kept an eyesocket on them from a distance. Just...watched. And waited.]

it still sucks.

Yeah.

I'm still sorry you had to see all that. It had to happen sooner or later though.

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